Three reasons why: no one will ever love you, Mitt Romney.

Photo courtesy of MCT Campus.

Mitt Romney, former Republican governor of Massachusetts and current Mormon, finds himself the presumptive GOP presidential candidate even as those in own party frantically scamper to find someone, anyone else to replace him. Fortunately for Romney, the best they’ve been able to come up with so far has been a racist, a snobbish “historian” with a foggy sense of history and a hapless white homophobe. But the point stills stands that despite leading in every major poll, everyone hates Mitt. Here’s why:

1. He has absolutely no self-awareness about being a one-percenter. Romney was born into privilege, son of a successful businessman and politician in his own right. He grew up going to expensive private schools and eventually went on to do well for himself during his own career, co-founding Bain Capital, an investment firm. This would be fine if he didn’t keep making it clear that he is completely out of touch with the proletariat. He famously tried to make a $10,000 bet with Rick Perry, pays an absurdly low tax rate and apparently has no concept of the kind of wealth required to even think about starting a political career. He says that he would have never gotten into politics if he had to take out a mortgage in order to win an election, ignoring the fact that most people don’t grow up in the kind of economic situation that affords them manservants and casual trips up north for manatee steaks and eskimo hunting.

2.Despite being viewed by many as the “moderate” candidate, moderates don’t actually vote for him. According to the New Hampshire exit polls, Romney did better among voters who described themselves as “angry” than he did with voters as a whole. Of the remaining candidates, Romney is the least extreme ideologically and is generally perceived to have the best shot in the general election. Those “angry” voters might identify more with Gingrich or Santorum, but they vote for Romney not because they like him but because they think other people might. He doesn’t particularly excite his base (or anyone, really), and his victories my have more to do with speculation than they do with actual support for him politically.

3. He has changed his position on nearly every conceivable hot-button issue. This is a sign of weakness, and Americans like if nothing else a president with big cojones (see: Teddy freaking Roosevelt). Romney seems to mold his stances as per convenience -- he was pro-choice while running for governor in more left-leaning Massachusetts, now he is staunchly pro-life. There are similar narratives for his views on climate change and health care. It seems that even Mitt Romney hates Mitt Romney.