Words by Megan Ayscue
Superman is the worst superhero ever. No, not Aquaman, not Powergirl. It’s Superman. Before you get your spandex in a knot, there are other superheroes I dislike and may talk about eventually. None of them are as bad as Superman, though.
First and foremost, Superman is the most boring superhero ever. Not only is the whole “made for the purpose of being propaganda” thing not a great reason to make a hero, his strengths and weaknesses are awful.
Because Superman was the first real superhero, his creators decided to give him all the powers. Moreover, what his powers are and how well they work just depended on who was writing for him that day. Today he has ice breath, heat vision, super strength, super speed, super hearing, X-ray vision and flight, but tomorrow he can duplicate, shapeshift and throw his “S” emblem as a weapon/shield. (Yes, that did happen.) What’s the point of having a hero who can just suddenly create a new superpower to get out of any situation? Superman is the original overpowered hero.
And what’s worse than having a superhero with too many strong powers? One who has essentially no weakness. While Superman’s biggest weakness is Kryptonite, he’s also affected by magic and the lack of the sun’s rays (or a red sun). However, like his superpowers, the amount that these weaknesses affect him varies based on who’s writing the story. One day a small pellet of Kryptonite brings Superman to his knees and the next he can lift an entire island made out of Kryptonite into outer space. What I’m getting at is this: Superman is so overpowered, and his weaknesses can vary so much, that he’s never in any real danger. And knowing the hero will always survive no matter what is boring. Does that even make him a hero?
I will now take this time to bring readers a Superman-related fun fact: One time, The Atom, a DC superhero with shrinking abilities (think Ant-Man here) rearranged some of Superman’s DNA into Kryptonite when he became evil to stop him.
Beyond Superman just being boring, he’s annoying with his god complex. Superman is always one of the leaders making decisions about the “greater good” and sees most things in black and white. What gives him the authority? I can’t count how many times they’ve used the storyline of “young superhero proves Superman wrong” due to Superman thinking he’s some great decider of the fates while a younger hero still tries to see the good in everyone.
Also, while Superman has saved a few cats from trees, he’s usually focused on the bigger issue and thinks everyone should be too. This is why heroes such as Green Arrow were so reluctant to join the Justice League: Oliver Queen is more focused on helping his town from gas station robberies than the incoming space invasion. And what’s wrong with that? We need heroes on every level, Superman.
Stories that include Superman that I actually like are the stories that don’t make Superman Superman. What I mean is Superman fights for “truth, justice and the American way.” But, what makes his way right? There’s a great story where, instead of landing in good ol’ Kansas, Superbaby lands in Soviet Russia and then embodies those ideals. His whole demeanor as the “all-American” hero is just bland. He essentially has no flaws. Oh, his flaw is that he’s an adoptive alien? Who cares? That changes nothing except for the slew of powers he gets to receive.
I could go on, but I feel as though I’m rambling already, so I’ll leave it at this: Superman is the worst superhero because he’s bland. Not being able to be hurt, being able to get out of any situation and the fact that he has the worst personality proves that. Seriously, can you imagine how boring having a conversation with this guy would be after getting past the “you can fly!?” bit? And this isn’t saying that I like Batman more, either. I’d say Superman can fly into the sun for all I care, but that would just make him stronger.
So I hope they just kill him off. Again.
Did I miss anything? Don’t like my opinions? Send me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org.