Words by Kiana Duncan

Well, six weeks in and I’m guessing you’re in an overly cramped dorm overflowing with crap you swore you needed on move-in day. Unfortunately, this may involve a few instances where your mom was right. But hold your head high, youngins’. She may be right, but she’ll probably also take you out for real food when she visits, so who’s the real winner here? That’s right, person whose mom is paying for tacos. Free tacos always win. Say, is your mom busy next weekend to get my stuff, too?

Your blender: Lol! I’m sorry, it’s just adorable you thought you’d be needing something to make your own food in. What is cooking? Seriously, if it doesn’t involve a microwave, you’re not using it until the day you have your own apartment. But nice try. Einstein’s has your “chia seed whatever” beat by a long shot.

About 10 of your stuffed animals: Ah, yes. The comforts of home and none of the bed space. This was a much better idea before you realized how short a twin “extra long” really was. Looks like the ragged teddy you haven’t been separated with since birth will have to ride home. Dry the tears, kid. Being an adult sucks.

Ninety-five percent of your clothes: We’d all like to believe we’re classy and educated-looking every day, but let’s face it. We’re wearing the same sweatpants we were three days ago and we probably haven’t showered since then, either. Take home the jeggings, Mom. We won’t be needing those anytime soon.

Those 10 movies you swore you’d have time to watch: Unless you’re passionate about your movie watching and haven’t moved into the 21st century (Netflix much?), take home your “Harry Potter” collector’s set with director’s commentary. It’s only going to serve as a distraction when you’re sobbing over your stats homework. You’re not going to get your letter to Hogwarts. Mine’s coming first, so get in line.

The extra food your parents keep sending you: It’s like they don’t realize how much money $20 a day is. Do you really think we need two family-sized packs of Oreos? Yes, yes we do. But our thighs are screaming every time we go to the gym, so maybe we can keep that bag of Butterfingers at home, Grandma.

Extra decorations and furniture: We really tried to make our dorm look cute. But between trying to tape the fairy lights up and getting tired of buying command strips, it looks like only one painting made it onto the wall before we gave up. At least it’s a cute one… sort of. I tried, Pinterest moms, so stop laughing at me. Just take the dang coffee table home and stop saying “I told you so,” Dad.

Half, or most, of your mugs: Let’s be honest. You’re going to be drinking out of that mug until you graduate, and you’re probably not going to wash it, either. We can just get everything out in the open. You don’t need every single Starbs travel cup. Just keep the one that will never look gross, and you’re good to go.

All your high school gear: To my misfortune, wearing your high school stuff isn’t remotely OK in college. Apparently it means you “peaked in high school.” Let’s hope not, because I’m pretty sure it can only go up from here. Instead of repping the ol’ colors, maybe pick up some blue and gold in the bookstore before anyone else has the chance to take a shot at the girl wearing her old Shadyside Tigers t-shirt.

The old you: College is a fresh start, so own it!

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