I don’t know what to do with my life. This is deeply concerning to me for more than the reason of choosing a career. More than that, it makes me feel as if I don’t know myself. That is so frustrating to me. I have done so much in my life that I thought would bring me to the point where everything would fall into place beautifully. It hasn’t happened yet.

I have traveled. I have participated in Greek life. I have meditated. I have done yoga. I have read. I have worked out. I have been in relationships. I have prayed. I have been to therapy. I have journaled. I have done countless things. But what have they done for me? 

Overall, I do feel satisfied with life, and that is a huge blessing. I know there are many people who are so dissatisfied with life that they are suicidal. In fact, I was once one of them. To have come this far is a huge accomplishment, and I am so grateful for it. But when I focus on that, I feel as though I am avoiding the reality of the fact that I will be on my own soon. I likely will not be a student anymore and will need to work a lot. This prospect is so unappealing to me. 

So far, what I have decided is to do service fighting the opioid epidemic. I lost my dad to fentanyl, so I think it would be fulfilling, and it is the best thing I can think of doing at this moment. It is so low-paying that I could qualify for food stamps. I will either need lots of help financially, or finances will be a substantial source of stress for me. I pray that I will figure everything out and I write in my journal every day that “everything will be ok.” The worst case scenario is not good by any means, but I believe I can handle anything, and perhaps those positive experiences I listed above will help me weather the storm that may be approaching. 

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