Three weeks ago, I started playing Survivor: Kent State. I was placed on the Vuaka tribe, formed an alliance with my tribe members, Aiden, Kaden and Mason, and eliminated a potential threat in the game: Kay. Just when my game seemed secure, I was blindsided by a tribe swap, which separated me from my two closest allies, Aiden and Kaden, and brought three new players onto my tribe. Now facing an unfamiliar tribe, I must navigate a whole new game.

“This is my biggest fear,” Kaden tells Aiden, Mason and me one night in the Engleman Hall common room. “I don’t know half of my tribe!”

“I feel like everything I’ve done in the game has been ripped away from me, and I have to start over, except the other players have preconceived notions about me,” Aiden complains. “It’s an uphill battle.”

From where I sit, things don’t look so bad anymore. Our new swapped tribes competed in a challenge earlier in the day. It was a memory challenge where we watched a homemade vlog by production members and were then quizzed on it. My time to shine, again. And again, I failed to consider that it might be a good idea to get just one question wrong.

Rarama — particularly Jake, Luke and Ella — performed so badly in the challenge that it was almost suspicious, getting only one question right between the three of them.

Now, Kaden and Aiden are headed to tribal council with three strangers and a girl they’d just tried to vote out.

At one point in the conversation, Mason gets up to use the restroom. As soon as he’s out of sight, Kaden lowers his voice and tells me, “I found something last night.”

Out of his jacket pocket, he reveals a little Ziploc bag that contains a brown piece of parchment and a short strand of yellow beads — the hidden immunity idol.

For three weeks, rumors and theories had swirled about who was looking for the idol, might have the clue or had already found the idol. I assumed that Kay took the idol with them when they left the game, but no — it’s here.

I’m a little miffed that Aiden clearly already knows about the idol, but including me over Mason is a balm for my ego. It’s better to be number three than number four.

With the idol, Kaden and Aiden have a new path forward: They can play the idol on their tribemates’ target for the next tribal council and send home a player of their choice with only two votes. All they have to do is correctly guess the target.

On the evening of Rarama’s tribal council, I have dinner with Molly in her apartment. I’d always seen Molly as Kaden’s ally — sort of a friend of a friend — but now she has to be my ally if I want any agency within my new tribe.

Over dinner, Molly assures me of her undying loyalty to our original Vuaka alliance. We will weather the tribe swap until, in a few weeks, we merge into one.

Strategically, I know that old Vuaka unity is boring; I should make alliances with my new tribemates, and in my defense, I tried.

The week prior, I’d arranged one-on-one talks with Sage, Izzy and Ginger in my dorm common room. During each meeting, I’d learned a lot about my new tribemates as people and very little about their strategic goals for the game.

“I’m not going to tell you anything important, and I don’t want to work with you because I want to vote you out,” was what they were really saying when they told me about their love of history, odd painting assignments and pet leopard gecko.

At around 10 p.m., there is a knock on Molly’s door. She gets up to open it. Kaden and Aiden are standing at the door, looking quite pleased with themselves.

“Ella is out,” Kaden tells Molly and me. “I played the idol on Aiden, and it worked.”

For the next hour, the four of us ride the high of a successful idol play and momentary respite from our imminent danger. As we talk, the full story of Rarama’s dramatic week unfolds.

Despite their best efforts, Aiden and Kaden had been unable to reconcile with a betrayed Maeve or form an alliance with Ella, Jake or Luke. At tribal, Kaden correctly deduced that Aiden was the target and played his idol on them, protecting Aiden from the four votes cast against them.

In a panic, Luke, whom I was beginning to view as the man in charge of Rarama, stood up and played an idol of his own to protect himself. It was useless; Kaden and Aiden had cast votes for Ella, and she was sent home.

I’m disappointed only that I’d missed the most exciting tribal council of the season thus far. We giddily swear to continue to trick and sabotage our evil Rarama enemies. We are the good guys, we decide. What kind of story would it be if we didn’t emerge on top?

Later, the triumphant glow of the evening fades, and I awake to a grim reality: My allies are on a tribe where they have a numerical disadvantage, and they have just painted a massive, glaring target on their backs with a successful idol play.

The next challenge is blindfolded dodgeball. It is easily one of the most hilarious challenges I’ve ever seen. Because my tribe is one member up, I sit out.

Maeve finds balls by rolling on the floor. Ginger avoids balls by dancing. Once, after Kaden runs into Molly, she squares up and punches him in the gut.

Not so hilarious is the outcome: Rarama loses. With no idol and no power, I can only watch as next week, Aiden is voted out.

“Not a surprise, but definitely a tragedy. They will be missed greatly. Aiden was my ally, but Aiden was also my friend. And now, I’m out for revenge,” I declare in a confessional. “However, my spot in the game is not looking too good right now.”

And my spot will only get worse if I let my tribe win the next challenge. I need to get a former Rarama out by losing the next immunity challenge. If Izzy, Ginger and Sage aren’t going to talk strategy with me, I’ll make them on the eve of tribal council.

Buggin’ out

Some people have a hang-up about purposely losing a challenge. True, it doesn’t strictly honor the intended rules of the game, and it does expose you to the risk of being voted out, but the title of Sole Survivor is on the line! I don’t think twice about throwing our next challenge.

Possibly one of the worst things I’ve ever looked away from on TV is the “Survivor” eating challenge. In a sadistic twist, starving castaways are compelled to eat some of the least appetizing things in the world to win immunity.

When I am made aware that our season’s fifth challenge will be held in an apartment common room, which is connected to a kitchen, I know that I have picked a good one to purposely lose.

After watching Mason and Maeve race to swallow dry globs of 100% dark chocolate, I am called up to eat for my tribe. My opponent is Maeve, who has the misfortune of drawing the odd rock twice in a row.

With twisted joy, Kyle reveals our snack: a wheat bread slice soaking in lukewarm water. And yes — we have to drink the water, too.

Maeve immediately gets to work, shoveling the soggy bread into her mouth. I daintily pick up a chunk of the bread and attempt to chew it. The texture is nightmarish — like a wheaty, wet sponge.

“It’s gross,” I complain loudly as I slowly chew it. Maeve is already chugging her bread-water.

“Maeve wins easily!” Kyle announces a few moments later. I spit out what bread remains in my mouth.

For the rest of the challenge, I whine and complain any time I draw the odd rock, causing my tribe members to sub in for me twice.

I watch as Kaden and Mason gag on Oreos filled with mayo, Maeve announces that mustard actually goes well in a jelly donut, Ginger eats a block of spam with surprising relish and Izzy literally throws up a quarter of a raw white onion. When all is eaten, Vuaka has lost our first challenge as a tribe.

Phase one of my revenge is complete.

On the way home from the challenge, Molly informs me that Sage has unprompted, inexplicably told her that the former Raramas on my tribe are planning to vote for me at tribal, and it would be a good idea for Molly to join them.

It’s a brutal misreading of Molly by Sage. If you know Molly, you know that she isn’t about playing games or betrayal — I have no idea what possessed her to apply for “Survivor” — she is about loyalty. It’s a given that Mason and Molly will not turn on me. I just need to convince Izzy, Ginger or Sage to turn on each other.

In the event of a Survivor tie, there is a revote. In the event of a second tie, the two players with votes against them become immune, and the remaining players draw rocks. The odd rock determines who goes home. If Mason, Molly and I are unbreakable, it is clearly in Izzy, Ginger and Sage’s best interests to flip to avoid being randomly eliminated.

I rule out the possibility that Sage will turn on their allies. Despite being voted off their tribe unanimously only weeks ago, Sage seems to be working with Izzy and Ginger to get rid of me. It is completely insensible to me, and frankly, unfair. I don’t see Maeve running back to work with me after I voted her out.

My next mark is Izzy. When we meet a second time, Izzy is slightly more forthcoming. She confides in me that she feels like she’s at the bottom of her alliance with Ginger and Sage. She thinks that if Sage is gone, we can pull in Ginger to form an alliance of herself, me, Molly and Mason.

It’s tempting. I can see myself working with Izzy. Moreover, Ginger and Izzy may be my only path forward now that Aiden is gone. I need more allies, and it is clear Sage doesn’t want to be one of them.

Am I really getting revenge for Aiden by voting off Rarama’s unwanted, back-from-the-dead ally? Maybe not. Not yet. But if I manage to earn Izzy and Ginger’s trust, I can control the game again. Then, I will secure my revenge.

Mason and Molly agree that Ginger and Izzy already voted for Sage once, so they shouldn’t feel too torn up about doing it again.

I am more nervous about new Vuaka’s first tribal council than I have been about any previous tribal council. I am convinced that I will see my name written down. I can’t bring myself to make any small talk while we wait for production to set up the cameras. 

Kyle reads the first vote: “First vote: Sage. Second vote: Mason.”

I turn to look at Mason; he’s as grim as I am shocked. I consider the genius of my enemies’ move. Now, if we go to rocks, I, their real target, will be vulnerable.

Kyle reads the final four votes. Two for Sage and two for Mason.

“We have a tie. It’s time for a revote,” Kyle says. “This time, when you vote, you can only vote for either Mason or Sage.”

We repeat the torturous, silent process of voting. I watch each member of my tribe stand up, leave the room to vote and then return. I study their faces and try to guess if it’s the face of someone who just betrayed their allies.

I write Sage’s name again. “Third time’s the charm,” I quip for the camera.

Kyle returns with the votes and begins to read them: three votes for Sage and two votes for Mason. One vote left.

“Sixth vote, and the fifth person votes out of ‘Survivor Kent State:’ Sage,” Kyle announces.

As I watch Sage’s torch get snuffed, I don’t feel any sense of accomplishment. Instead, I have a sinking feeling that I just played clean-up crew for Rarama. Their mess from the tribe swap has been removed. Now, they merge with a spotless house.

Quinn Schafer is a web writer and copy editor. Contact her at [email protected].